September 21, 2009

Hello!!! It's me, your favorite Hermana Francis! I have 26 minutes and 5 seconds to write you, since I don't have any emails to read yet. So this may be the best/longest email you'll get from me.

Can you believe I'm finally a full-time missionary? I am so happy and feel so honored to wear my name tag and have such a wonderful purpose: Invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His atonement, Repentance, Baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and Enduring to the end.

In fact, I was so excited about this great experience so serve the Lord 24-7 for the next 18 months, that I slept my first night with my nametag on. :)

Wednesday was amazing. The Spirit was with me all day, and I felt happy and amazed that I could feel His influence so much. I met my companion, Hermana Story, from Liberty Utah (near Ogden). She is 22, really really athletic, loves snowmobiling, hiking, soccer, and has been sky diving 3 times!!! Wow. There are 2 other sisters in our district, Hermana Kochevar (rhymes with achiever) from Vegas, and Hermana Fuka from Salt Lake (but with Tongan ties). We're in the same room together and we have a lot of fun together. I'm in the beginning Spanish track. This worried me on Thursday and Friday, because I felt like I slipped between the cracks or something, as I was never tested to know how much Spanish I knew. People were surprised to hear me speak, and a lot of people (teachers, my Branch President, etc.) asked me why I didn't take the test. I felt out of placed, and not challenged at all, since the Spanish we were learning was very simple and slow. But don't worry, I've had other challenges. :)

Anyway, I talked to my teacher, Hermano Jimenez (from Mexico!) about it privately, and he told me since us Hermanas will only be in this MTC for 3 weeks (It's true... we're going to the Guatemala MTC on Oct. 6), that it wouldn't make sense for me to change districts and companions and everything. He said that the best way to learn is to teach, and challenged me to help Hermana Story be at my same level when we leave here. She hadn't had any Spanish before coming here, and she really has been improving a lot! It's been amazing to see what the Spirit can do.

I wish I could say that I was worried about the lack of learning in the language and being out of place for only a day or only half a day. But it consumed me, along with feeling all the differences between my companion and I, and I wasn't happy and couldn't feel the Spirit all day Thursday and Friday, and some of Saturday. That may not seem that long, but the days here (at least at first) are loooooong. I was so frustrated. I prayed a lot, but just felt hopeless. I was feeling pressured about the great responsibility I had here, and wishing I could change districts or something just so it would be easier on me. Tears happened, and the other sisters saw Hermana Grumpy Frumpy Francis.

On Saturday I got a letter from my friend Paul, and he shared 1 Ne 7:16(?) with me. It's when Nephi's brothers bind him and he prays that he can burst the bonds. He doesn't complain, he doesn't ask for the bonds to be taken away. He asks to have the strength to burst them. Paul testified of the power of the Atonement to help us through our struggles.

I knew that if I wanted to be an effective missionary (and I do!!) that I would need to have a good relationship with my companion and have the Spirit with both of us. I prayed so long and so hard on Saturday night! It was past 10:30 and the room was dark, but I knelt and prayed and prayed, grateful for the reminder that I needed to rely on the Atonement, and begging to know what to do to be happier and to obtain the Spirit again in my life. At the end of my prayer, I said, "I'll wait and listen if there is anything you would like to tell me, Heavenly Father." and closed it. Soon I thought the words "Go to bed". This made me laugh, as it surprised me. But then I remembered I need to obey with exactness, and I was out of bed after 10:30.

The next day, the power of His answer was more clear. He was telling me to trust Him, to go forward with faith, to not worry so much, and that things really would work out if I would start doing things His way. Sunday was much better, and today has been really really good. Our companionship study went well, and I know that we are friends.

Every minute is important here, and I'm tempted to feel bad for wasting so much time being unhappy and lost for the days that I felt that way. But maybe here at the Provo MTC I don't need to learn Spanish as much as learning to connect with a lot of different kinds of people, not just people similar to myself. The Spanish though, is coming too. I'm still learning a lot. We have a computer program here that helps us learn the lessons and vocab etc. in Spanish, and Hermana Kochevar showed me a way to go to the more advanced things so I wouldn't be bored. She knows quite a bit of Spanish too - she did a study abroad in Ecuador - so we help the other Hermanas along.

I'm so happy now. I have learned this week, that without the Spirit, I really am nothing. I've been able to see a lot of my weaknesses, including pride. Maybe I was spoiled by the love of all of you dear family and friends. I was just over confident, thinking I know the language (at least better than my district) and I know how to be a good missionary. Wow. These experiences really put me in my place. I have confidence that the Lord can make me a wonderful instrument, but I am never going to try without His help.

I'm learning to love my companion, I'm learning to love this work, and I already love Honduras. And I love all of you, very very much. Thank you for your support, and help. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is enabling. I am so happy to be here!

Take Care!!

Love, Hermana Francis