"So I'll see you tonight then."
"Yep. I look forward to it!"
"Great! Love ya!"
I got off the phone with the one I had been seeing for a while now. It had become quite a regular occurrence, and I was getting used to having someone new in my life. This person made me feel happy, made me feel like I could talk about anything, and really open myself up. Our interactions were therapeutic, and I always left feeling like a better person. I felt love. But I guess it just wasn't enough.
Over the next few weeks, I started sharing some of my time with another. It had happened before, back in the summertime, and things began to return to the way they used to be. Except now I already had someone in my life. Tragically, instead of making a decision, I let them both believe that nothing had changed and I belonged to both of them.
All was going smoothly. No one suspected anything. Until one morning, this very morning, I was awakened by a phone call. I had been up late the night before with one of them. And now the other was calling! I had set a time to meet and had completely forgotten. Had my unfaithfulness been discovered? The disapproval and suspicion in the words I heard were almost as tangible as my fists which were pressing against my eyes, trying to cut off the world and my reality. I heard myself make a weak excuse to cancel our meeting, and hung up the phone. I fought back the tears. I felt so torn! I knew this was no substitute for real happiness. How long could I go on like this? I thought I was invincible, but everything started crashing down around me.
I mean seriously. Running with Suzie every MWF and Holly every TTh? Someone's going to get hurt.
March 2017 - Trip to Texas
5 weeks ago