Breakups are brutal. That's why there are so many songs and poems and blog posts written about them. They hurt with an intensity that you never thought you would ever have to feel. I suppose you don't realize how big your heart had become until it becomes deflated with the sharp realization that for whatever reason, the relationship isn't going to work out.
It's been a tough couple of days. I work at a place for 8 hours a day, with hardly anyone to talk to. I do busy work which needs very little concentration, and provides absolutely no distraction to my tormenting thoughts. To cope, I first created a playlist of bitter, angry songs. But as I listened to them, I realized that they didn't make me feel any better. First of all, I can't relate to any of the songs in this situation. I'm not angry. I don't feel cheated or betrayed. I still think so highly of my best friend. When listening to these songs, all I felt was more anxious, regretful, doubting, and confused.
Today at work, with my 8 hours to myself, I chose a different approach. I went straight to lds.org and listened to hymns and primary songs. I also listened to probably half a dozen conference talks and wrote down quotes that stuck out to me. As I went through this long process of listening to and pondering these beautiful words of truth and testimony, I was impressed with the astonishing amount of peace that came over me. Then this scripture came to my mind:
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
The world teaches us to be angry and bitter and to hold on to these feelings when we're going through hard things. Granted, I do enjoy the bitter songs now and again. I feel like they come from real people who have had real and relevant experiences, so they're legit, and full of emotion. However, the gospel teaches us to trust in the healing power of Christ's Atonement, and everything will be okay. Even if it isn't right now, with faith, everything will be okay eventually. I know, believe, and trust that this is true. If I didn't have the gospel in my life, I don't know where I could possibly find peace. I am so blessed, even through my trials.
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7 comments:
Dianey face, remember you've got good friends. We're always here for you. Hope things look up.
I'm so sorry, Diane.
My friend, I love you. Thank you for having faith and strength...even though no one expects you to. I'm praying for you!
You're great. Way to look at the positive.
If you ever need to talk and get it out of your system I am always just a phone call away!! (But I did lose my phone... with your phone number... so you'll have to call me)
Oh man hun! I know how you feel! It sucks! Its amazing the peace the gospel brings! However, if you are a country fan... I would recommend "Leave the Pieces" by The Wreckers. ha ha! Seriously! Good luck babe!
I had a little extra time this afternoon, so I'm reading the back issues of your blog. Thanks for writing this. You brought me a little more peace.
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