Lately I've had some experiences which have shown my character, or lack of, and it's been really revealing. The past week or so, I've been hoping and praying for experiences where I can better serve other people and stop being so self absorbed. I'm in a relationship and I feel like I've been focusing on him, or me, or "us", while leaving friends and acquaintances and people I could possibly be nourishing a friendship with, behind. Not that spending a lot of time with someone as kind and fun and uplifting as Taylor is a bad thing in any way. I just think that sometimes it's selfish of me.
So, I've been praying for these opportunities to best know how to help people and show my love for everyone. And it's been amazing how I've watched these chances come, watched myself chicken out, and watched the opportunities for increased happiness in at least two lives, pass us by. Amazingly tragic.
Usually it's been strangers: the woman who seems to need just a conversation or a compliment or a smile while we're baking in the August sun, waiting for the bus, or that man carrying a little too much while I'm riding my bike past him. How hard would it be for me to take out my ear buds and start that conversation or hop off my bike and give him a hand? Apparently too hard for my small heart. I just keep listening to Keane, willfully preventing myself from blessing a life, and being blessed in return.
Many things have entered my mind in these situations. The Dianey Angel and Dianey Devil have left permanent impressions on my shoulders, and are tiring of the debates. 'You shouldn't reach out. They'll think you're weird.' 'They'll probably never see you again, so even if they think you're weird for stopping to help, it really can't hurt.' 'But they'll think you're so weird!' 'It doesn't matter. It's worth it. Why do you care what this stranger thinks of you?' 'They'll be offended by your random attempts of friendliness!' 'More likely you'll cause them to smile a huge smile, and you know it'll make your day too!' 'But... they'll think you're so weird!' 'You already said that.' 'But..."
I'm confused by my hesitation, because I love people. I love knowing their complexities and exploring them to find out who they really are. It's even what I have chosen to study in school. I'd like to argue that every man, woman and child is an island: an undiscovered, beautiful island with treasures and traps and surprises-- good and bad. How exciting to be the explorer, knowing the secret short cuts and the reasons/history of why this island is shaped and functioning the way it is! How exciting to be the explorer that is trusted with a rare trust, where they are willing to open up to you and show you their own wonders!
So why do I continue to cut myself off from them? Why does it scare me to talk to them? Why does it scare me that I actually might learn something or feel something or gain a new friend and enjoy it?
I truly hope that I can and will change my response when these opportunities come my way. I hope that I can be brave, listen to the wise advice of the Dianey Angel, and simply be able to treat people like people. Like great people. People who long to be understood and loved. People who need me. Besides, I need to be needed anyway.
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3 comments:
This is kind of ironic. I read your post and was openly Wow-ed by the beautiful insight in offered into my dear friend. I started to leave a comment about your bottomless ability to open up to people and how much I admire that about you, when I almost decided that I'd rather write you an email about it that went just to you. Why, you ask? Because I didn't want to be exposed while complimenting you. That's when it hit me: I almost shied away from doing the very thing I was complimenting you for! Luckily, I got some sense knocked into me last minute and commented after all. So, I just want you to know that I think you have a gift for loving people. I hope I can be more like you that way.
You are extremely good at loving people. Just don't go and get translated prematurely :)
Oh! Does Taylor make you stand in front of a mirror every day and swear so that you don't get translated? Just like my dad makes my mom do? :) That's adorable.
And Dianey, I love you. You're planting some pretty powerful seeds of change in the people who read your post.
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